Wherever You Go, There You Are

By Ehi

Can you escape caste? My study involves researching the intersectionalities of caste and disability. As terrible as this sounds I was hoping that disability would supercede caste as a mode of discrimination. My findings today indicate that it may not. Because this research is still ongoing I will not say anything conclusive. Instead, I will look at this as an opportunity expound on a change I have felt since coming here. As I have adjusted to being abroad, I find that less and less can bother me. However, as the burden of each issue becomes lessened, the things that I have struggled the most to overcome still weigh more than ever. It's as if, without all the other surface issues of alienation and fear, the insecurity I have about the enormity of this project looms even larger. This is what I believe led to the breakthrough I had with respect to my methodology. How was I, who spoke no Hindi and even less Gujarati supposed to get to the kernel of an issue which is a private and deeply personal struggle? It was a tough morning as Noopur, Camila and I retooled my methodological process. We agreed that the best way( and probably most authentic) was to jump directly into the fabric of this place. I had to redesign my
instrument and it worked out for the best.

The technical term for this process is immersion and I would be performing an ethnographic study. Simply put, I was going to shadow two case studies—both were disabled students, where one was Dalit and the other not. The task before me was the same as before—to see if I could understand the relationship between caste and disability. This was the breakthrough I had been waiting for. Rather than tip-toe around these weighty issues, I was going to dive head-first into them. I wasn't even frightened! Instead, I tingled with excitement. I was also relieved to be at one of the few places that I knew of in India that allowed this process. I am not speaking of only Dalit empowerment or outside academic visits. I mean that this approach was in keeping with the one of the tenents of DSK's ideology—accepting who and where you are and making the most of it. I had to keep myself from shaking my head during my several interviews today when I realized that I could have almost missed the richness in resources of this place.
Walking around the Dalit Shakti Kendra I realized why I had might not have appreciated all of its attributes at once. Instead of a neat quadrangle the paths ran around and across each other. We slept in one hostel and shared bathing and bathroom facilities. We each had to serve ourselves meals and after which they had to be scoured with sand then washed in a six-sectioned tub of dishwashing solution and water. At first the procedure frustrated me; it cut across every component of infrastructure that made up the United States. DSK design promoted slow, inclusive and holistic actions; which did not prefigure in my consciousness. I had expected a group of revolutionaries just about to boil over. DSK felt more like Buddhist monastery. Each person performed simple tasks and sought to become incredibly proficient in their area of concentration. This was true of the subject of today's research. R, as I will call her is physically disabled and in a society where a woman's marriage can often determine her quality of life, it can be harmful for future prospects. However, R does not see it that way. She is the star pupil of her tailoring class and has definite plans to open up her own business---where she will be the only tailor in her village.

When asked about her future, unlike women from a generation ago---for whom any physical imperfection was considered an insult to a future husband, R sees her future in terms of lasting success in her career. However, unlike most girls here, R is not Dalit. Even more illustrative is that the question of caste was prompted by her. While I don't speak enough Gujarati to have known if was said incidentally or deliberately—the admission is striking. I still have much more research to do so I hope that her caste does not factor into her ambition—at least not to the extent that her dedication and vision do.